Perfectly Distorted Reality

From the journey through a young man's thoughts, to the stories of his inspiring truth. His belief, his faith, his fear and his capabilities. Self-Belief against Perception. Dreams against Reality. Creativity against Logic. Defiance against Conscious. Confidence against Insecurity. Welcome to his world, a distorted reality.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The End..

I'm not going to blog anymore.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Through my eyes the world was burning..

Keira's Singing: Rob Thomas - Ever the Same
The weather is now: Chilly Cold 15.2c

I attended my first golf session today at a driving range somewhere in the Inner South area of Canberra. My mentor Johnny, gave me my first lesson and generously lent me his mother's golf clubs as he has been a lefty since he was a kid and his clubs would not suit me.

The weather was great with some chilly winds blowing through the empty balcony as I stood there wondering what I have got myself into, feeling hopeless even just as I was practising my ever crooked swing. As the both of us looked extremely gay with him standing behind me holding my waist as I give my swing another few hopeful tries, I finally managed to hit a drive that was uhm, about 70 metres far. Perfect. Even Michelle Wee from Hawaii hits a better drive than I do.

After much disappointment from my poor performance, I decided that maybe golf wasn't for me after all. Just as I was about to give up, my drives were getting better and soon I was hitting an average of 5 out of 10 balls into the net which was just a metre next to me as compared to 9 out of 10 when I first started.

100 golf balls soon finished without realisation and I was whinging about how Johnny actually hit 70 balls while I struggled with 30, which means I paid much more than he did for the same price.

Wish I have some pictures to share but after considering the fact that the two of us would look extremely gay practising golf in an empty driving range, I shook off that thought and promised myself that I'll only take some pictures when my game improves.

Feeling pretty satisfied, I am determined to try this again sometime over the weekend.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Keira's Singing: Bob Marley - Don't Worry Be Happy
The weather is now: Freaking Hot! 34.2c

A couple of weeks ago I was in search of the ending music from Donald Trump's The Apprentice but it was to no avail. I could not even find the name to the music as it would most likely be produced by the producers and they did not intend to make it available to the public. I stumbled upon this forum called Primetime TV and posted a request to anyone who has any idea where I might be able to get my hands on the music. A nice lady by the name of Rhett replied and asked me to email her for further details if I still want to the music, and I did. To my surprise, she offered to record an episode of the show and is willing to rip it onto her computer and burn it into a CD before posting it to me at no cost. I am utterly surprise and delighted to know that someone from halfway across the globe is willing to do such a favour for a stranger. I just received the mail yesterday and she even posted me a Christmas + New Year card, which I thought was really, really sweet. I ought to send a thank you card back and make sure we'd be friends. =)

So thank you and I really appreciate what you did. Good people do exist in this world after all.

Look at those nice lil' stamps on the envelope

The card!

That's the CD, and a happy holidays greeting

Monday, January 09, 2006

At times I dread my now and envy where I've been..

Keira's Singing: Tammin Sursok - Whatever Will Be
The weather is now: Warm Sunshine 26.6c

First off, this song Whatever Will Be by Tammin Sursok is really good. Secondly, I've got nothing else to say. Life is a routine now that gives me nothing but a sense of emptiness. I need more, much more, at least in this life. Perhaps things would be more interesting when classes starts, maybe it will be worse. The thought about doing something that I had no prior intention or interests in doing is dreadful. Telling myself that this may be the start of something interesting and that I am able to put to good use is all I can do to anaesthetise myself.

Maybe I need to getaway from this place. No, I need to get away from this place. At least for a while. I don't know. I might never return. Runaway from the world perhaps? What a bold statement. I need a change in my life, I need the feeling of taking charge, I need the sense of control over my life.

My heart feels like the death of a star, slowly self-consuming and self-absorbing, before it all collapses, turning into a black hole, pulling everything around it into an eternal darkness.

Oh look, and I said I've got nothing to say earlier. What a bragger.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Get Rich or Die Tryin'

Keira's Singing: Brroke Fraser - Arithmetic
The weather is now: Cold 15.1c

I think due to some recent events and life situations, I am becoming more and more desperate to be rich. Desperate may sound a little on the extreme side but it's either you do it, or you don't at all. A stroll down the bookstore after failing to open a new bank account made me end up with this:

I've finished more than half of the book by now, just by reading it on the bus and while sitting on a bench waiting for a friend during lunch. An interesting read, packed with a few good laughs I must say, if you know how the Trump man speaks sometimes. Great insight, big dreams, even bigger guts. Doesn't exactly make me a billionaire in heart, but certainly makes me want to become one even more.

One of the few quotes that I really like from the book:

"Alot of money can cause misery. That is true. But I rather be in misery with the money than to be in misery because I don't have it."

Sunday, January 01, 2006

New Year

Keira's Singing: Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu
The weather is now: Cooling 18.8c

Image taken from

Nice fireworks. Ruin the air, destroy the ozone, pollute the world, kill the environment and clog the streets.

Great celebration. What celebration anyway. Celebrate a new year? What's a new year? Celebrate new day? Celebrate the same day, everyday?

I don't like celebrations. But Happy New Year to those who do.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Falling in Time..

Keira's Singing: Howie Day - Collide
The weather is now: Sunny Hot 33.6c

Yep, so birthday's gone and I am 21 now. It's just a number anyway, I reckon I gotta be older than that, at least that's what my stress level says. So I did some post-Christmas shopping and here are some random pictures:

I did not buy this. It's my Birthday present from Sister and Foong. A Clinique Happy perfume for men and a $50 dollars iTunes Music Card which was immediately put to good use. Does the perfume make me happy?

My Birthday cake which my Sister forgot to collect before Christmas and I had to collect it on my own today, after my Birthday. Wee!

A music video I purchase from the iTunes Music Store. U2's Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own. A great song with great lyrics. Highly recommended.

That's a list of songs that were automatically added into a 'Purchased' playlist whenever I purchase a song from the ITMS. Looks like turning legal age is slowly turning my song choices to legal as well. Oh and the Live version of Damien Rice's Delicate and James Blunt's Goodbye my Lover is excellent!!!

That's a towel I bought from Myer yesterday, along with 2 Pringles for my private indulgence and the original DVD of Closer! My first original DVD title at just $19.90!.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The End is not as Fun as the Start..

Keira's Singing: U2 - Original of the Species
The weather is now: Cloudy Gloomy 22.2c

Birthdays are meant to be happy, joyous, and full of celebration; At least that's what it's supposed to be for most others. As if the weather today was trying to match the mood I have for my 'supposedly' big day, my 21st year in this world, with the sun trying to force its way to shine through a sky filled with thick and heavy clouds.

Mind you, I do not mean that I am actually feeling especially upset and withdrawn due to the fact that I am having my birthday today, at least that's what I really do not wish to admit even if it is true. In other words, you can say that I am not upset, but I am most definitely not happy as well.

Birthday is just another day. Why the celebrations? Why the happiness? Happiness only existed with your parents on the day you were born, it doesn't remind you of anything. As I said in an earlier entry, we were all crying when we came into this world. Mind me for the depressing stuff. Maybe I don't want to be happy after all. Because if I'm happy, I can't be depress anymore, and I want to stay depress, therefore I don't want to be happy, and I'm trying to make everyone else around me unhappy as well. Go figure.

What's so good about growing up anyway? What's so good about knowing that you're getting older and older by the year? When you are 7 you want to be in year 6 to be the big bully in school, but fail to remember that you have a major exam that draws closer as you grow; When you are 11 you want to be 12 so you can finally make your first identification card, which makes it so much easier for the law to catch up with you; When you are 16 you want to be 18 so that you can finally drive, drink, have sex and leave home if you're heavily westernised, which also means you are at legal age, which can get you executed, jailed, deported, etc. Driving makes your life raises the probability of you getting killed on the streets by at least 15%. Sex gives you the risk of over a thousand different types of infections and it may ruin your entire life as well should you not be careful, which in fact, may bring a new life into this world, so would you be smiling or crying the day the baby is born, knowing that your life may be on a different course should it not be because of the responsibility over the birth of a child?

Then when you are finally 18 you want to be 21, so that you can get into casinos (in Malaysia), so that you can be classified as a 'matured' adult, so that you can get your 'golden key' etc. But you will fail to notice that when you are 21, you will also have an entire life ahead of you to take over. The responsibility of taking care of your own welfare, and very soon the welfare of others. The hardship of going out into the real world, (mind you, most things you see before you're even out in the world are just lies, fantasies, comfort zone that you and people around you built to shelter from the harsh reality.

When you are 25, you want to get married, have kids and start a family. Don't even get me started on that. When you're 50 you want to retire, you want your kids to graduate, have their own partners and kids, and then going on to spend all your Super/EPF on their education, which in return they may just send you to a home for the better half of the remaining days in your life. When you're 60, you want grandchildren, you want to know that whatever that has made you you in this world, will be passed on to the next generation and that the legacy of your birthname will be carried on. When you're 80, you might probably just wish that you're dead to end the suffering and pain you are experiencing due to old age and the fact that the body is dying. When you die, people cry, people grief, they bury you under 2 tons of mud in a confined space of 2 x 2 metre wooden box that's highly glamourised. Or, they might just burn the shit out of you and drown your ashes down into the sea of sorrow.

Now, what's so good about life again? Or at least, what's left with life, and us? All we will ever have is memories, if we can even have that after everything that is.

Happy Birthday to meself.

Random pictures, random pictures.

The tribal council area on top of the lake that was near Kevin and Justine's house in Greenway.

The lake. Whatever it is called.

'Birthday' afternoon.

Felling all happy and jolly! You can just read it all from my face can you?

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Nothing to win, and nothing left to lose..

Keira's Singing: Daniel Powter - Bad Day
The weather is now: Sunny Windy 24.8c

Hello there. Was it Friday just moments ago when I was still awake? Oh wait, it was Saturday when I started work, but it was Friday when I was going to work? Now that I have woken up after work, it is still Saturday? Or is it Sunday? It can't be Friday definitely.

Apologies. I'm just trying to dramatise the fact that I've been working for two days in a row from 12am till 6/8am in the morning, and still have to get back in to work at 4. Just about another hour later.

The lengths one would go in a materialoney world. materialoney:A word I created to describe the world today which is both materialistic and money driven.

Thursday, December 22, 2005


Keira's Singing: U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
The weather is now: Hot 22.2c

Well, the day has come and it is finally time to graduate after four long years of torment and struggle in this particular education phase. Not that I wasn't able to cope with the study load, nor was it because i sucked at what I was studying all along, but for someone who isn't exactly a big believer in education, coming this far is something. I hold nothing against education, and I think that with education comes rationality, followed by a whole bunch or scholarly crap as well, of course.

Graduation day was filled with people who are pumped with excitement, joy, and the sense of achievement. Not to mention another whole bunch of family members who were twice as excited as their children who would be graduating and being proud of the length that their children has reached today. Of course, that is partly because the graduation ceremony was held at the parliamentary building in the heart of Canberra. I guess I might be the only person who didn't feel a thing at all except the feeling of the heavy gown over my shoulder and the weird hat on my head that makes me redefine the word 'shit'. It was, however, a great feeling to see some friends again, and it was sad that some are already leaving back home as soon as the ceremony finishes and that I will probably not see them again if chance would not have it to happen.

Me standing in front of the parliamentary building

Me and Winnie, a good friend who has never stopped 'mengada-ing' ever since she set foot in Canberra.

Me and Ezrin. Another great friend who will be studying a Business course with me next year.

And here are some pics of the papers that cost my dad a fortune. Would also like to take this opportunity to thank him, considering that he will be visiting this blog sometime soon. Hah! Here it goes (I know it may sound corny but, hey, it's what I can do for now). Well, thank you dad for all the support, financially and emotionally, that you have given to me without any hesitation and doubts at all. Thank you for the second chance you have given me when noone else would have believe the person I can be today. Thank you for not giving up on me in the first place when all I ever did was to disappoint you. Thank you, most of all, for being such a great dad. Oh no! I have to thank my sis as well for all the continuos support and constant whinging + nagging that helped me get to where I am. Thank you for paying off tons of my expenses here as well and prevented me from getting deported!

See that 'Graduation Teddy Bear my sister got me? I'll just add that to the cost of the two other papers taken in the picture.

That's the 100k paper!

Last, but not least..

Can you finally understand what I mean when I said the word 'shit' is redefined? Argh!

Well, here's to the end of a phase of my life, and of my education life, at least. There's another year more to go. This time, something different, something irrelevant, something that needs to be achieved just so that another phase of my life can begin here. Goodbye and hello.

*I will have more pictures to upload, as soon as I get them from my Sister's camera.